David Beckham Is Losing His English Accent, Which Is The Final Mark Of The Decline Of The British Empire

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

David Beckham is one of the last vestiges of the British Empire, if you think about it. His face is a 21st century Union Jack, planted in the soil of billboards and television screens around the globe. But like Life On Mars or a decent cup of tea, we Americans have ruined him. David Beckham, Britain’s last bastion of global influence, is losing his British accent.

According to The Sun, Beckham, who hasn’t lived permanently in England since he left in 2003, said:

I catch myself calling my kids “dude” every once in a while, so there are a few words creeping in. And using American words like elevator instead of lift.

Surely this is the end of all things British as they are consumed by an unstoppable wave of American culture? Cricket ovals will be replaced by baseball diamonds, the meat pie will be usurped by those of the apple-ey persuasion, and Downton Abbey will be jettisoned for Jersey Shore. AMERICA!

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