It’s not quite how we remember it, but here’s the actual Champions Champion League Final. It’s a beautiful day for football here at the Estadio Santiago Bernabeu, where for some reason Inter Milan is facing off with Real Madrid for the title of European champions.
My clock says we’ve endured :57 seconds of this already. There’s Julio Ceaser, and…he’s introducing himself and saying he’s “ready to stop some goals.” Great, really great.
Now the referee is introducing himself. I’m not sure it’s necessary but… ok nevermind apparently it’s time to head over to the goal for penalties. What do you mean why? Why not?
And we’re taken penalties quickly now while mutant Alfred E. Newman, a terrifying cheerleader and a midget are standing by. A disembodied, somewhat disinterested voice celebrates each successful spotkick with a “Gooaaaaalllll-azo.” There’s celebrations of some kind, and I think someone just missed one and vanished into thin air.
What’s this? Xabi Alonso and Maicon are squaring off in fisticuffs, as they tend to do. No punches are thrown and one of the referees has red-carded them both! Oh my!
They look sad.
Now for some reason Cristiano Ronaldo apparently has a chance to win this for Madrid. He hits it down the middle, and scores! Real Madrid are the champions of Europe! They’re holding up the cup, celebrating their triumph, and I think I hear a song coming on.
Black Eye Peas? BLACK EYE PEAS? REALLY? Even in this bizarro world Champions League final the BEP are still unavoidable at any celebratory occasion.
In seriousness, “Antonio Hung 2B” made this and if “2B” refers to his class then he is a very young lad and should be congratulated on a pretty damn impressive bit of work.
However if Antonio Hung is 18 or older, and “2B” stands for “2 Badass” or something then, well, it’s already too late for him.