Eddie Johnson is a world-renowned Grown-Ass Man and a marginally famous soccer player, so it’s no surprise that capable, classy women would want to spend time with him in a motel off just the Interstate.
We’re not sure what happened, so we’ll just have to assume that the undoubtedly charming young lady concerned noticed EJ’s wheels, a rented Chevy Camaro, and engaged him in a conversation about the automotive industry and the future of American manufacturing in an increasingly globalized economy. As the side of the road is no place for such spirited discourse, the pair found a quieter place to continue their discussion in depth. Totally not sneaky, shameful, cheating-on-his-wife-and-the-mother-of-his-child-with-a-skanky-ho sex. No sir.
Well, it just so happens that a friend of EJ’s wife Janelle clued Mrs. GAM in that Eddie wasn’t including her in the debate, and understandably upset, since she also drives an American car, she sought out her husband at the motel. After she was unable to reach him on his cell phone, she demonstrated a particularly effective metaphor on the current state of Chrysler by smashing her SUV into his rental car.
And then the Five-O, totally not getting the subtle genius and rich irony of her artistic installation, charged her with two felonies.
Read the full story at the Daytona Beach News-Journal.
(hat-tip to Grant Wahl)