Here’s Exactly How Tottenham Will Keep Gareth Bale

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

Contrary to what your eyeballs have just lied to you about, that photo is not Gareth Bale. It is Spurs youth academy player Kenneth McEvoy. He looks like Gareth Bale had sex with Justin Bieber and is the most important academy product Spurs have ever had.

You see, he is also who Spurs will be forcing to wear a No. 3 shirt with “Bale” on the back and selling to Inter Milan for $50 million later this summer. Meanwhile, a suddenly more mature-looking and significantly better “Kenneth McEvoy” will break into the first team this season on the left wing to much critical acclaim.

Inexplicably discovered by the madman at Dirty Tackle.

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