Kasey Keller Will Rule Soccer With An Iron, Possibly Gloved, Fist

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

Kasey Keller is getting up there in age. Everyone knows goalkeepers “can play forever”, but literally translated that just means they can play until about age 42. When you’re that old, there’s not much patience for nonsense.

Keller (41) has his soon-to-be retired eyes on the prize of helping to run and develop the game in this country, whether that’s as MLS commissioner or President of the USSF or Czar of your child’s youth rec league.

Whichever important desk Kasey finds himself behind in the near future, he definitely seems to know what he wants to do to clean up the game:

“One thing I would do is open up a review panel on multiple things where you can sanction a player for something he’s done that the referee didn’t spot and vice-versa — a player can appeal a decision a referee has made that later TV has shown to be untrue.” Keller told SI.com. “That’s only fair.

“Second, I would have a huge fine and suspension for players who are blatantly diving,” Keller added. “Say a player absolutely dives 100 percent, you can totally see it. Nobody touches him, he dives in the box, a penalty is rewarded and his team wins the game on that. No problem. Ten-game penalty and two months wages. I guarantee you there’s not going to be too much diving going on after that. It’ll be gone from the game in a heartbeat.”

Both of these are awesome no-nonsense ideas from KK. It’s mind blowing that there isn’t already a review panel that watches all games from a far away satellite tower on hundreds of flat screens. I still don’t think these overlords should have an effect on the game as it’s happening (that means no phoning up the match ref to tell him every time he screws up), but being able to make appeals with this backing is only fair. And he’s definitely right about the diving penalty. You take away a players wages for two months and you immediately eradicate all diving from MLS. Although, you may also eradicate half the MLS.

Ok that’s it, I’m officially nominating Kasey Keller to be the first ever King of World Football. We’ve got too many whack-jobs in suits running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Next up, perhaps some kind of rule forcing all keepers to wear stylish long pants.

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