People Are Naming Their Kids ‘Landon,’ Which Is Proof Soccer Is Making It In America

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

Landon Donovan is America’s most famous footballer. Just now, as he heads back to Everton on a short winter’s loan, enough people are talking about him that it amounts to a .1 on the Beckham Buzz Scale (Beckham is a 10. Donovan’s goal against Algeria at the World Cup is a 3). In a country known for naming children after famous athletes, the growing popularity of “Landon” as a baby name shows irrefutably that soccer is on the rise. Suck it haters.

Using the Social Security Administration’s website, we tracked the popularity of “Landon” as a boys name over the course of the last five available years (2006-2010). In 2006, the year the US went to Germany and laid a massive egg in the World Cup, “Landon” was ranked the 50th most popular boys name. By 2010, the year of the aforementioned goal against Algeria and the USMNT’s group win in South Africa, “Landon” had shot up to 32nd.

The ramifications are clear: eventually, all boys born in the United States will be named “Landon”, and the United States will not win a World Cup until that happens. Just to be safe, perhaps all girls should be named “Landon” as well, which is okay since “Landon” is one of those names that sort of works for girls as well as boys. Kinda Like “Dana.”

It’s possible, but highly unlikely because that would totally ruin this post and all of our carefully thought out conclusions, that some of the boys named “Landon” between 2006 and 2010 were not, in fact, named after Landon Donovan at all. In those cases, we’ll just assume that Landon Donovan has seeped into the American baby naming zeitgeist, subliminally causing parents to choose the name. Which is basically the same as naming them after Donovan, so it works.

Soccer is here because there are a lot of babies names Landon. You can’t argue with logic.

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