QWK KCKS: Always On The Prowl

Photo of author
Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: GUESS WHAT I AM NOW?
Felipe Melo is a tiger or something. Yeah, that’s it, a tiger. A tiger who will maul you. Maul you with his ferociousness. Double rawr. (REUTERS)

 

WHAT YEAR IS THIS? WHERE AM I? WHAT’S MY NAME? WHO ARE YOU?
Phil Neville doesn’t think Everton will be able to persuade Landon Donovan to come to the Toffees on loan. Just like last year. // ClubCall

 

HE SHOULD SEND THIS GUY IN HIS PLACE. FREAKY.
Doppelgangers weird me out. Landon Donovan’s is particularly freaky. // Kickette

 

VERNE TROYER IS COOLER THAN YOU. JUST ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.
Verne Troyer, he of Austin Powers fame, is a big fan of American soccer lifestyle brand Bumpy Pitch. Nice one. // The Original Winger

 

PHOTO: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE DRESSED FOR CRICKET AND NOT LOOK RIDICULOUS WITH A BALL AT YOUR FEET.
Windies cricketers play a little footy during training. (GETTY IMAGES)

 

I WOULD THINK ‘THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN BALLS’ WOULD BE THE OBVIOUS CHOICE.
David Beckham appears to have added a Roger Moore eyebrow to his repertoire. What does this mean? Can it be stopped? Is there a program we can get him into, posthaste? // The Third Kit

 

SAY IT AIN’T SO, ANDREI. SAY IT AIN’T SO.
Ghanaian player Laryea Kingston says Andrei Arshavin used racial slurs towards him five year ago while both were playing in Russia. // IBWM

 

FINGER FLEXING IS RARELY A BENIGN ACTIVITY IN MY EXPERIENCE. FOOLISH TO THINK OTHERWISE.
This list of things not to do does not include the most important one of all: DO NOT be foreign player in England with a bad reputation. You’ll get no benefit of the doubt. // Surreal Football

 

PHOTO: UEFA APPEAL OR JUVENILE COURT?
Wayne Rooney leaving his appeal earlier today (he won – the ban is 2 games instead of 3). He looks like a surly teenager in court on a shoplifting charge. (GETTY IMAGES)

 

THE DANCE SENSATION THAT IS SWEEPING THE…WORLD.
Everyone is doing the “Ai Se Eu Te Pego” dance, on pitches from São Paulo to Madrid. It’s that song Milan’s Brazilian contingent were singing. And it’s infectious. I totally get it. // Invent Football

 

OH, YOU GOT JOKES?
More match posters, done up by clever MLS fans. Here are a few made of DOOP. // The Offside Rules

 

MORE FOR THE REST OF US, THEN. AND BY ‘REST OF US’, I MOSTLY MEAN MADRID AND BARCA.
Bayern won’t be poaching talent from South American anymore, says Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, and will focus on Bavaria. // NYT Goal Blog

 

VIDEO: A BROVSKY ABROAD.
An interview with the Impact’s Jeb Brovsky in India, where we told you he is conducting camps as part of the mission of his nonprofit organization, Peace Pandemic.

 

DON’T BE A FOOL, ROBIN. IT’S IMMORTALITY!
A plea to Robin Van Persie for Arsenal’s most important player to just sign the damn contract already. // Bleacher Report

 

HI MANCHESTER. SO WHAT’S NEW?
All of that Champions League drama yesterday flat wore us out around here, but don’t worry: the KCKRS intern (we call him Slappy) has a special smoothie that’s supposed to perk you right up…if you don’t mind a little extra flatulence. It’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make, just for you. Follow. Like. Blammo.

Leave a Comment