QWK KCKS: At The Pace Of Per

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: MY LATEST BAND NAME IDEA IS ‘ THE PERUVIAN STEPOVERS.’ THANKS FOR THE INSPIRATION, KID.

Kids filling up their school vacation playing soccer in Peru. (Reuters)

 

REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME ALEX FERGUSON DIDN’T BLAME SOMETHING ON THE MEDIA? ME NEITHER.

Alex Ferguson returns to his default setting and blames “the media” for ginning up the story that he stands to profit from the United IPO. Except, it’s really the fans who are angry. // The Footy Blog

 

AT THIS RATE, I EXPECT LIVERPOOL WILL SIGN CLINT JUST BEFORE THEIR FIRST PRESEASON TOUR OF EARTH’S NEW MARS COLONY.

The Dempsey-to-Liverpool is moving at the pace of Per Mertesacker. // Examiner.com

 

BECAUSE WHAT THIS STORY REALLY NEEDED WAS JOSE’S OPINION ON THE MATTER.

The latest installment in the David Beckham-would-rather-be-in-London-with-Team GB-don’t-you-think-he-should-be-in-London-with-Team GB-Stuart Pearce-is-an-asshat comes with bonus quotes from Jose Mourinho. // ESPN Los Angeles

 

PHOTO: ‘JOSE! JOSE! OVER HERE! CAN YOU SIGN MY EYE SOCKET?’

Terrible effort on my part. Jose is a star. (Getty Images)

 

I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT JOSE JAMMING ANYTHING INTO ANY ORIFICES. BROOKS, YOU BASTARD.

Now this is quality. A Spanish bakery is selling pastries named after Jose Mourinho’s infamous eye-poking finger as the Spanish Super Copa approaches (someone explain why it’s two legs, again?). // Dirty Tackle

 

ANYBODY HAVE A HANKERCHIEF? I’M TOTALLY WELLING UP OVER HERE.

Thiago Silva—the saint—accepted his sale to Paris St. Germain because Milan were in such dire financial straits. I’m guessing the 10% of the fee that went into his pocket didn’t hurt either. // Futbolita

 

AMERICA IS ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE THE BIGGEST TALENT DRAIN EVER.

The USWNT is on track for a gold, and everything is grand. But when the tournament is over, most of them will be on the lookout for new clubs, and probably not in America. // Sports Illustrated

 

PHOTO: ZLATAN WILL JOIN THE REST OF THE TEAM WHEN ZLATAN IS READY.

Look, Zlatan might do the same stretches as everyone else, but that doesn’t mean he has to be close to everyone else. He’ll be over here, drawing away the people’s attention. (AP Photo)

 

I WANT THIS TO GO VIRAL. ‘KEAN OUT’ BANNERS EVERYWHERE, PLEASE. WRESTLING FANS, GET ON IT.

Blackburn fans might be taking the “Kean Out” campaign to disturbing extremes. The next step is for everyone to get in on the joke. // Off the Post

 

IT’S ALL SOLID GOLD BATHTUBS AND ROBES MADE OF KOALA FUR, RIGHT?

Getting promoted isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. Sure, there’s a lot of money involved, but then you have to spend it. // Bleacher Report

 

‘KEAN OUT’ COULD BECOME THE ‘BABA BOOEY’ OF THE FOOTBALL WORLD. IT WOULD BE BRILLIANT.

“Kean Out” at the Today Show. “Kean Out” on live televised call-in shows. “Kean Out” at on-location ESPN broadcasts. “Kean Out” yelled from the gallery on the tee box at big golf tournaments. ‘Kean Out” written on things in the background of sitcoms. It would be funny for all of 10 minutes, but they would be a glorious 10 minutes. Let’s do this. Follow KCKRS, like KCKRS, get your “Kean Out” posters ready.

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