QWK KCKS: Bang Bang Crotch Crotch

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: BANG!
Abidal and Alves celebrate by finger shooting each other. (GETTY IMAGES)

 

MORE TEAM PHOTOS WITH PLAYERS IN CAPS, PLEASE.
Here’s a photo of the 1893 FA Cup-winning Wolverhampton Wanderers side, complete with jaunty caps. // Footysphere

 

ONE MAN’S STRUGGLE.
Yep, completely oversold this, but I wrote it so I’m allowed. It’s a piece on the burgeoning amount of respect being thrown across the Atlantic to MLS by the British football media. // The Footy Blog

 

I’M TRADEMARKING THE WORD ‘HUDDLEFRO.’
Tom Huddlestone is growing out his ‘fro, and not just because he’s bored. There’s a cause involved. // Kickette

 

PHOTO: PITY XAVI. PITY HIM.
Poor Xavi. Puyol crotch cannot be pleasant. (REUTERS)

And here’s another angle, just for funsies.
 

 

IF YOU HAVE AN HOUR TO KILL OR A FETISH FOR ENGLISH IN A GERMAN ACCENT.
Jurgen Klismann sat down with Allen Hopkins for an hour long interview at the NSCAA convention in Kansas City. It’s more than you ever wanted to know about Klinsi’s philosophies. // US Soccer Players

 

IT’S DIFFICULT TO TYPE WHILE ONE IS GAGGING.
Even a glitch in a video game that causes a Human Centipede-type situation makes me want to curl into a ball under my desk. Shudder. // Dirty Tackle

 

CHEAP ON THE UPKEEP.
Plastic grass is getting some love from clubs in England’s lower leagues because it’s cheaper to maintain, doesn’t freeze up with a bit of snow. // When Saturday Comes

 

PHOTO: ROBBIE KEANE HAD THE MOST CONFUSED BOYHOOD EVER.
Robbie Keane, approaching that zone where he’s more famous for the joke about him than for his abilities with a ball. Oofa. (via The Bootfitul Game)

 

BECKHAM HAS ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH EURASIA.
The “David Beckham is back” press release is chock full of self-congratulations and the convenient ignoring of history. // 100 Percent Soccer

 

HE TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE YELLED ‘NOONAN!’.
Wrexham keeper Joslain Mayebi does a crazy dance to try and psych out a Brighton penalty taker. I approve. // 101GG

 

TELL ME SOMETHING I DIDN’T KNOW.
Pepe is a bastard, and his stamping of Lionel Messi’s hand makes El Clasico something something. // Bleacher Report

 

WHAT’S A LITTLE CROTCH TO THE FACE WHEN YOU’RE COMPLETELY OWNING YOUR BIGGEST RIVAL? NOTHING BUT A TRIFLE.
Still, Carles Puyol jump-thrusting his crotch into my face will undoubtedly work its way into my nightmares. His hair is already there. Follow, like, do the damn thing.

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