QWK KCKS: Beware the Ponytail of Death

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: BEWARE OF FLYING PONYTAILS.
I’m pretty sure Ibra’s ponytail constitutes an unfair playing advantage. Look at that thing. It could slice your head clean off. (AP PHOTO)

 

IF YOU VOTE ANYTHING OTHER THAN ‘EMILE HESKEY’, CHECK YOURSELF.
Here’s a poll about that “end of relegation” non-story story that has everyone riled up. Looking at the results, I don’t know that people understood the question. // CaughtOffside

 

EITHER WAY, YOU’LL BE SITTING ON YOUR COUCH GETTING NEITHER SUN NOR EXERCISE. WIN!
Just in case you needed an illustrated guide to making a decision on the great debate (FIFA or PES). // Sketches-and-other-Stuff via Invent Football

 

HOLD ON WHILE I LOOK UP ‘UNDERSTATEMENT’ IN THE DICTIONARY.
Ryan Giggs has added Captain Obvious to his list of honors with this statement about Mario Balotelli. // Dirty Tackle

 

PHOTO: UNDER THE MICROSCOPE.
There’s a trade-off for being the best player in the world. Leo’s face says it all. (AP PHOTO – HI-RES VERSION)

 

WHAT THEY’RE LEFT WITH.
This image sums up Arsenal’s current attacking strategy. // Surreal Football

 

IT’S THAT DAMN CARLOS. HE’S SO HOT RIGHT NOW.
A few Yanks did some posing for a Pepsi Max campaign or something. The analysis is something else. // Kickette

 

NEXT STEP: NO HANDS AT ALL. THAT’LL SHAKE THINGS UP.
The change in the back pass rule two decades ago fundamentally changed the goalkeeper’s skillset. // US Soccer Players

 

PHOTO: A COUPLE OF P’S FOR TEAM GB.
It’s Stuart Pearce and Hope Powell, your Team GB coaches for the 2012 Olympics, unveiled today. (AP PHOTO)

 

I PREFER ROGUES. I MEAN GENIUSES. STOP JUDGING ME.
Here’s a Q&A with author Simon Kuper about his new book, “Soccer Men”, a tome of profiles on the “rogues, geniuses, and neurotics” of the game. // NYT Goal Blog

 

SERIOUSLY WONDERING WHERE I CAN GET THAT LYON SHIRT.
These are the shirts hipsters will want, exactly because the sponsors are embarrassing. Though some much more than others. // Off the Post

 

ARE YOU REALLY, REALLY REALLYREALLYREALLY BORED? HERE YOU GO.
If you have a lot of time to kill today, have a list of 30 soccer viral videos to watch. // Bleacher Report

 

THE TEVEZ 32 LINE NEEDS A SIDE OF GARLIC BREAD.
Carlos Tevez isn’t one to let his good name go to waste. Which is why he stuck it on a clothing line. // Studs Up

 

THE SEQUEL TO ‘PONYTAILS OF DEATH’ IS ‘DREADLOCKS OF DOOM’ AND STARS KYLE BECKERMAN.
Beat the rush and follow our Twitter account before it’s too late. Be sure to like us on Facebook as well, because KCKRS is killing it there, too. Unfortunately you can’t click on a button that says “Emile Heskey”, but we’re trying to rectify the situation. Peace.

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