QWK KCKS: Broke Down and Swagged Out

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: ‘IT’S MY TURN TO LEAD. YOU LED LAST TIME.’
Flamengo’s Vagner Love and teammate argue over dancing positions while celebrating a goal against Emelec in the Copa Lib. (REUTERS)

 

GIVING A FOOTBALLER A WEBCAM IS LIKE GIVING A MONKEY AN AXE. TROUBLE.
Athletic Bilbao’s Javi Martinez and Iker Muniain went to a barbecue, probably got drunk, and did some webcam posing with an adult actress. You know, what nearly every guy would do if they were them. // Kickette

 

USUALLY TIME EQUALS PERSPECTIVE. THIS ISN’T REALLY ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.
Remember Handshakegate (by the way, can we stop with the “gate” thing already)? No, of course you don’t. Anyway, here’s Toblerone Jones with a full report involving MS paint. // The FCF

 

WHY SETTLE FOR TWO EYES WHEN YOU CAN HAVE FOUR?
Meet Belgian great Jef Jurion, a player whose eye wear put Edgar Davids to shame. Horn-rimmed. // IBWM

 

PHOTO: HE SPRUNG A LEAK.
Ouch. Chris Smalling reopened a head wound during Manchester United’s match against Athletic Bilbao. The phrase “head wound” gives me the chills. (REUTERS)

 

THE INDIGNITY!
Not only did United lose to Athletic Bilbao at home, Fergie was bonked on the leg by the substitute board. Bet he went home and broke out a bottle of the really expensive stuff. // 101GG

 

I DIDN’T KNOW SUCH A THING WAS POSSIBLE. HAVE THEY DONE STUDIES?
Disapproving parents can be a bitch. Especially when they disapprove because your girlfriend is too sexy, and you have to break up with her because apparently you let your parents rule your life. Sheesh. // Dirty Tackle

 

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE, YOU CAN MAKE IT ANYWHERE.
MLS really, really, reallyreallyreally wants to put a team in New York City proper. They want it so bad they’re willing to dump resources into finding a stadium site themselves. // NYT Goal Blog

 

PHOTO: MIXED MESSAGES.
Which way did he go? Thataway… (REUTERS)

 

CR7′S LAMBORGHINI BROKE DOWN, BUT APPARENTLY THAT’S NOT THE STORY.
This is quality blog work right here. The story isn’t that Ronaldo’s $200,000 ride broke down, it’s that he was wearing Gucci when it happened. // Upscale Hype

 

PAY ATTENTION. THE SEASON STARTS TOMORROW FOR CRIPES SAKE.
Here are ten MLS players to keep an eye on in 2012. Mostly because they’re important to their team’s fortunes, but also because they have cool names. Just kidding. // Bleacher Report

 

NEXT, CRISTIANO’S HOUSE CATCHES FIRE, BUT LOOK AT HOW GOOD HE LOOKS STANDING THERE ON THE CURB WATCHING IT BURN.
When a car that costs $200k breaks down, the company that made it should pick you up in a helicopter, fly you to a resort in the Swiss Alps, and pamper you. Of course, if you can afford a $200k car, you probably don’t need the handout. Follow and like. The weekend is here, and football is brilliant.

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