QWK KCKS: Clueless Mall Rat Kick Around

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: CHERRY BLOSSOMS AND SOCCER. AMERICAN AS IT COMES.

Soccer on National Mall in DC, underneath the cherry blossoms which are blooming really freaking early his year. That’s not actually Barcelona, who once got in trouble at the Mall. (REUTERS)

 

FIRST QUESTION FOR DREW: WHAT’S THE BEST STRATEGY FOR BIDDING ON A SHOWCASE?

Drew Carey appeared at a sports analytics conference in Boston (the famous Sloan Sports Analytics Conference) to talk about the Sounders unique management set up and was a smash hit. // The Washington Post

 

MEET THE NOT JEWISH CHILEAN PLAYER NAMED GOLDBERG WHO IS PROUD TO BE CALLED JEWISH.

Gerald Eskenazi went to Chile looking for a Jewish experience, and ended up talking to former Maccabi Tel Aviv star Rodrigo Goldberg. Who isn’t actually Jewish. // Haaretz

 

BALLACK’S AGENT CALLS RED BULLS GM CLUELESS, FAN BASE WONDERS WHY HE WOULD STOP THERE.

Michael Ballack might land in MLS this summer, but it probably won’t be in New York after his agent called Red Bulls GM Erik Soler “clueless.” // Big Apple Soccer

 

PHOTO: ‘NOT THAT BAD’? WHEN IT COMES TO RACISM, THERE ARE NO DEGREES.

Russia unveiled an interim logo for the 2018 World Cup and promised to stamp out racism. Is anyone else not going to hold their breath? (AP PHOTO)

 

AND GET A HAIR CUT! AND STOP WITH THAT STUPID ‘AI SE EU TU PEGO’ DANCE!

Ronaldo doesn’t think Neymar can reach his potential in Brazil and tell him to get to Europe like yesterday. // Futbolita

 

PIANOS AND TIGERS AND THAT HAIRCUT. IS JUAN OPENING A SHOW IN VEGAS?

Who’s the most interesting Twitter follow in sports? According to this guy, it’s Red Bulls phenom Juan Agudelo. Wacky adventures! // The Post Game

 

BREAKING: WAYNE BRIDGE HAS THE ROMANTIC REPERTOIRE OF A 12-YEAR OLD BOY APPARENTLY.

Frankie Sandford, Wayne Bridge’s WAG, really wants to marry him. All she’s gotten from Wayne is a promise ring, a gift that definitely involved Wayne making her promise to stay away from John Terry. // Kickette

 

PHOTO: THE OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT CONTINUES.

Support for Fabrice Muamba is not determined by club affiliation, as this Man United shirt left outside of the Reebok shows. Meanwhile, Muamba is making small progress. (GETTY IMAGES)

 

NOW VAN BOMMEL KNOWS HOW HIS OPPONENTS FEEL WHEN HE COMES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A TACKLE.

Mark van Bommel nearly gets brained by an advertising backdrop during an interview. Which they’re doing outside. Where there’s wind. Wind that blows over signs. Genius. // Off the Post

 

LIKE STARTING A BLOG BEFORE BLOGS WERE A THING, ONLY WITH PAPER AND STUFF. SOUNDS LIKE AN AWFUL LOT OF WORK.

Back before anyone with a computer and an internet connection could write about football, Andy Mitten launched a Man United fanzine as a 15-year old. Here’s an interview covering United, Barca and American soccer. // Bleacher Report

 

LET’S ALL GO TO THE MALL AND KICK THE BALL AROUND. SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF THE OLD LADIES TAKING THEIR WALKS.

Honestly, I don’t even know if they still do those senior citizen mall walks. Hell, I don’t even know if people go to malls. Malls are terrible places where only bad things happen. Except for the National Mall. You can actually play soccer there. Follow. Like. Cherry blossom? More like cherry awesome.

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