QWK KCKS: Hazardous Waste

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

Eden Chooses His Garden…ugh

Eden Hazard has chosen Chelsea. I know this because the press tells me so, though they’re just reporting what Hazard himself tweeted…with the most annoying phrasing possible.

But here’s the thing: As of this writing, Chelsea haven’t made a peep. We can presume they made an offer for Hazard, and that there’s an agreement on personal terms in place, but it’s still strange to see the player dictating the process. The name “LeBron James” has come up repeatedly as a comparison for Hazard, and there are certainly parallels; Hazard didn’t go on television to make his announcement, but he did take a long swim in Lake Me over the course of the saga and held the news cycle hostage in the process. In almost every other transfer situation, the club announces they have signed a player; in this very odd situation, it’s the player putting himself above every club vying for his signature by stating “I will sign with X.”

Meanwhile, you wonder if X even knew themselves before Hazard hit “send” on his tweet. It’s ridiculous, but not impossible, to imagine a mad scramble at Chelsea Football Club, Champions of Europe, when someone at the club checks Twitter to find out Eden has made his momentous decision. Modern football, it’s a gas.

Now (meaning after Chelsea after acknowledge they’re signing him and actually complete the paperwork needed), Hazard has to perform. Let’s not all assume it’s a certainty he will.

And now, for links to things.

 

PHOTO: UH, HELDER? IT’S NOT A MONET. IT’S A BELL. YOU RING IT. RING A DING DING.

Portugal National Team striker Helder Postiga ponders the closing bell of the Lisbon stock exchange for some reason. (REUTERS)

 

IT’S NOT SO MUCH A ‘THOUGHT PROCESS’ AS IT IS A ‘THOUGHT EXPLOSION.’

Jonathan Wilson delves into the issue of athletic intelligence and wonders if we don’t paint athletes as unintelligent unfairly. They just think faster than you and me. WARNING: Science. // The Guardian

 

HERE’S ONE OF THOSE TIMES WHEN ROOTING FOR THE UNDERDOG GETS COMPLICATED.

Here’s a thing I wrote on the story of Cal FC, a brand new amateur club trying to play David in the U.S. Open Cup, and the man behind them, the mercurial Eric Wynalda. // The Footy Blog

 

APPARENTLY HAVING A ‘GERMGLISH’ ACCENT MAKES YOU ATTRACTIVE. I’M GOING TO HAVE TO WORK ON ONE.

I kid. But it does apparently made Terrence Boyd, the USMNT’s young German-American striker “adorbs.” Okay then. // Kickette

 

PHOTO: TRAINING IS REALLY, REALLY BORING. LESS SO IF YOU MAKE THE PHOTOS ALL BLURRY.

Austria trains, photogs look for new ways to make the same old stuff interesting. (Reuters)

 

GEAR GEEK GETS GIDDY OVER GREAT…SOMETHING.

Alliteration fail. Here’s a review of the new favorite tumblr of one of our favorite gear blogs. It’s retrotastic. // The Beautiful Gear

 

PATRIOTISM IS A REALLY, REALLY SERIOUS THING YOU GUYS. THE MOST SERIOUS THING.

Adem Ljajic, recently famous for his scuffle with Fiorentina manager Delio Rossi (which got Rossi fired) was kicked off the Serbia National Team for not singing the anthem. My question is, what if he just mouthed the words? Technically, that’s not singing either. Would they still have booted him? // Dirty Tackle

 

THIS STORY PROBABLY EMBODIES EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER THOUGHT OF CRISTIANO RONALDO.

Here’s the story (after the Hazard stuff, just scroll down) of how Cristiano Ronaldo striking out at a club ended with a male model being thrown into a river while Ronaldo drove off in his Lamborghini. Might as well be Mars. // Futbolita

 

PHOTO: MEET FERRET FRED. APPARENTLY HE’S PSYCHIC TOO. THIS IS COMING UP A LOT THESE DAYS.

Look, with all of these “psychic” animals popping up in Ukraine (this ferret is from Kharkiv, will pick games, too), one has to wonder just what is going on there. Then I remember Chernobyl, feel like a jerk, and move on quickly. (Reuters)

 

IF ITALIAN FOOTBALL WERE A TEENAGER, IT WOULD TOTALLY BE IN MILITARY SCHOOL BY NOW.

Italian football screws up again, and now a player has been pulled out of the Azurri camp on suspicion of match-fixing. Serie A fever…run away from it. // The Original Winger

 

ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE REST OF THIS LOT ARE NO EDEN HAZARD. I MEAN THAT LITERALLY.

Gossip roundup force attack!!! // Bleacher Report

 

THERE ARE SO MANY EDEN HAZARD PUNS POSSIBLE, AND YET THE ALL COME OUT MEH IN THE END.

“Eden” and “Hazard” are both actual words, ready for pun. But neither really work for a variety of reasons. Go ahead and try. Anyway, the pun situation is exactly like the transfer saga. Lots of possibilities, bit of a disappointing resolution. Oh well. There are more rumors on their way, always are. Follow and like, won’t you?

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