QWK KCKS: Making Love to the Ball

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: THIS IS ALINE PELLEGRINO AND THE BALL. THEY HAVE AN AMOROUS RELATIONSHIP, APPARENTLY.

One of the odder action photos you’ll ever see, I imagine. (REUTERS)

 

PRESENTING THE GOLDEN AGE OF NORTH AMERICAN SOCCER WRITING.

The explosion of exciting new outlets for missives on the beautiful game in North America continues with the announcement of a Kickstarter campaign for XI Quaterly. Tom Dunmore (of Pitch Invasion fame) is involved, so you know it will be good. // XI Quarterly

 

MY BRAIN COLLAPSED INTO A SINGULARITY, BUT MAYBE YOU’LL GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT.

They tell me statistical analysis is all the rage, so I pass along this link because I want to be cool, not because I understand any of it. Objectively analyzing MLS player performance. Variance, correlation, I just passed out. // Footiebusiness

 

MEET THE SCOTTISH MESSI. LIKE THE ARGENTINE MESSI, BUT WITH 100% MORE HAGGIS.

Gary Mackay-Steven, Dundee United’s 21-year old winger, has been tearing up the SPL this season, earning him comparisons to Messi by United faithful. Naturally, his teammates are giving him the business for it. // Dirty Tackle

 

PHOTO: ‘WHY HELLO THERE, FOOTBALL. I AM DIDIER. I SAW YOU LOOKING AT ME FROM ACROSS THE PITCH.’

Didier Deschamps and the ball stare deep into one another’s eyes…this theme is weird. Moving on. (GETTY IMAGES)

 

I HAD NO IDEA SANTA CLAUS WAS SUCH A GLORY HUNTER. C’MON NICK, SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CLUB.

The difference in the second leg of Barca-AC Milan at the Camp Nou? Catalan Santa Claus. If he was the real Santa, I’d wonder why he’s not supporting North Pole United. // A Football Report

 

I TOTALLY READ THIS HEADLINE AS ‘BEST DIVER.’ GUESS IT’S JUST ON THE BRAIN. SIGH.

Xabi Alonso and Kaka go mano y mano in a test of their driving skills. Leisurely. // Futbolita

 

NSFW VIDEO AHEAD. AND THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A PUN. EVEN THOUGH IT TOTALLY IS.

Here is the crude tifo Spartak fans made involving a lion (the mascot of Zenit St. Petersburg) and a penis. I’m beginning to think Russian fans really have some serious issues they should address with battery of psychological testing. // The Third Kit

 

PHOTO: ‘PLEASE BALL, COME BACK. I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU. WE BELONG TOGETHER.’

Total fail of a theme. Really, total disaster. If I wasn’t this deep into the post, I’d scrap the whole thing and start over. (REUTERS)

 

SOCCER ON THE SIBERIAN PLAIN—NOT ALL THAT GLAMOROUS AS IT TURNS OUT.

Shocking, I know. Educate yourself on the hard-scrabble existence of eastern Russia’s second division clubs. // IBWM

 

LET’S FACE IT: THE GAMES ARE AN ANNOYANCE. YOU REALLY FOLLOW FOOTBALL FOR THE RUMO(U)RS.

Get your rumors here! Get your scorching hot rumors here! No guarantees that they’re even 1/100th true, but who cares because they’re hot, hot rumors! // Bleacher Report

 

NEXT UP: A POST COMPILING ROMANTIC ODES TO THE BALL IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER.

Just kidding. I wouldn’t do that to you. Cruel and unusual. Please follow and like.

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