QWK KCKS: My Name Is Nobody

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: EL MATADOR.
Edinson Cavani is a really good soccer player for Napoli, and is shown here celebrating one of his two goals against Man City in the Champions League. He also has an “n” in his first name that throws me off every time. EVERY TIME. (Reuters)

 

TODAY, MY NAME IS ‘NOBODY.’
Apparently nobody watched the MLS Cup Final. I watched the MLS Cup Final, therefore I must be nobody. Also, that “for comparison” nonsense is just that, nonsense. // Business Insider

 

ONE MORE EXAMPLE OF WHY BEING A FOOTBALLER IS CLEARLY THE BEST THING EVER.
Abbey Clancy Crouch gives an interview, proceeds to tear down Peter Crouch’s fashion sense. Tall gangly guy doesn’t know how to dress and has model wife shop for him? I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED. // Kickette

 

THE ONLY TRANSFERS I CARE ABOUT ARE THE ONES INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT. SOMEONE GET ME AN AGENT’S LICENSE.
The cruelty herein will make you laugh uproariously, stroke your twisted soul, or leaving you feeling like you need a quick shower to wash off the slimy film. But yes, it would be good to see Fernando Torres transferred to Chelsea this January. // Surreal Football

 

PHOTO: JOSE LOOKS ODDLY CONTENT IN THAT POSITION.
What is happening here. I don’t understand. Why is Dinamo Zagreb manager Krunoslav Jurcic pressing Jose gently to his bosom? (Reuters)

 

IS HYPER-UNBALANCED ANYTHING LIKE “HYPER SPACE”? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.
The new tweaks to the MLS schedule for 2012 have fans in the Pacific Northwest pushing for more away tickets. More games, more seats, more throbbing atmospheres. // Sounder at Heart

 

CROSS THE CZECHS, AND THEY’LL SING SONGS ABOUT YOUR MANHOOD.
Bad Czechs being bad has bad Czechs in trouble for singing bad song in the Montenegro airport after doing good and qualifying for the Euros. Here’s video! // World Cup Blog

 

OH CRAP. SOMEONE MENTIONED THE ‘P’ WORD.
Is MLS on the verge of…profitability? Gasp and double gasp. // Chicago Tribune

 

PHOTO: IT LOOKS LIKE HIS HEAD IS BEING EATEN BY A BROWN JELLYFISH.
Was Carles Puyol washing his hair DURING this press conference? No, of course not. His hair always looks like that. Duh. (AP Photo)

 

IT’S ALWAYS DISAPPOINTING WHEN A PLAYER WITH A GREAT NAME FALLS SHORT OF STARDOM.
Columbus Crew and US U-23 midfielder Dilly Duka has a fantastic name and definitely needs to become a superstar so we have more excuses to say Dilly Duka. Dilly. Duka. // Yanks Abroad
 

HEY, YOU AMERICAN TYPES. HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM QWK KCKS. WE’RE THANKFUL FOR YOU AND STUFF.
Did the pilgrims and Indians play soccer during the first Thanksgiving? We have it on questionable authority that yes, they did, with a ball made from the stomach of a pig stuffed with horse crap and held together by a bit of twine. The keepers kept complaining that the pig stomach ball swerved unpredictably, proving that keepers will always whine about the ball no matter how good the technology is. Also, the game was marred by the dirty tactics of the Puritan settlers, who decided the best way to beat the fleeter Indians was by kicking them repeatedly. Have you seen the buckles on their boots? Seriously. Regardless, the Indians won 3-1, on a hat trick by Squanto. That guy could play. Twitter. Facebook. Best wishes.

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