QWK KCKS: Next To Be Next After Next

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: SO SHE’S THE ONE.
Other things she believes in: Santa Claus, the Loch Ness Monster, that the Moon landing was staged, Madonna’s accent being natural, and that room temperature beer is better than cold beer (it’s not). (Getty Images)

 

7 SECOND SLAP FIGHT.
Dustup at Wolfsburg training is like two Broadway dancers practicing some faux fight moves. // 101GG

 

SERGIO RAMOS IS THAT GUY, BUT THE STORY IS THE JOSE LOOKALIKE.
Classifying Sergio Ramos as “one of those guys” based on photos of him at the Davis Cup. Sitting next to a Mourinho doppelganger. // Kickette

 

XZIBIT + FAT JOE + DJIBRIL CISSE + A VAN = MAGIC.
Who cares if this is old (it’s new to me), it’s all kinds of awesome. ‘Pimp My Ride’ went to England while Cisse was at Liverpool, and this was the result. // The Third Kit

 

PHOTO: HIS PRIZE FOR WINNING WAS A SHIRTLESS PLAYER, IT SEEMS.
Luciano Spalletti throws midfielder Danny over his shoulder after Zenit’s draw with Porto put them through to the next round of the Champions League. (AP Photo)

 

WITH ONE LIFE, HOW CAN PLEASURE THAT HARMS ONLY ONESELF BE GUILTY?
Alan Jacobs with thoughts on the death of Sócrates and how he lived. // Run of Play

 

MY GUESS: A TALKING MOUSE NAMED TOMAS BACK TO COLLECT ON THE LOAN HE GAVE JOSE BACK IN 1985.
What does Jose see? And perhaps, why does he see it? And maybe, does it frighten him, or is he intrigued by it? And does he know about the David Cup doppelganger? // Dirty Tackle

 

DUTCH FOOTBALL LITERALISM. SWEET.
A collection of gorgeous Dutch soccer postcards // Invent Football

 

PHOTO: SPALLETTI BASKS.
More Spalletti, because the guy was in interesting photos yesterday. Here he is celebrating with the Zenit faithful. (Getty Images)

 

THERE’S A CRACK IN KING KENNY’S CROWN.
Dalglish is worse than Benitez, except that not all of it is Dalglish’s doing. Not that it matters to anyone. // Surreal Football

 

THE MORE THE…MERRIER?
Blackburn won, fans are still calling for Steve Kean’s head. So why not advertise a three match package for the low low price of £20 with Google Adwords and pack in the protesters? // Off the Post

 

WHEN YOU’RE 10, YOU CAN’T REALLY BE ‘NEXT.’ ‘NEXT AFTER NEXT AFTER NEXT’ MAYBE, BUT NOT ‘NEXT.’
ESPN’s Next feature on soccer includes names like Götze, Neymar, Shea, Leroux and….ten-year old Ben Lederman. Just because he’s at Barca. Nice job pressuring the kid. // ESPN.com

 

PHOTO: IT MUST BE HALF OFF FOOTBALLERS OR SOMETHING.
You get a footballer! And you get a footballer! Juergen Klopp and Jakub Blaszcykowski celebrate during Dortmund’s match with Olympique Marseille in the Champions League yesterday. (Reuters)

 

THE MAN GOT MARRIED IN A TAUPE TUX. I THINK I’M GOING TO NEED A MINUTE.
It’s John Terry’s birthday. Zero racist comment jokes in this one, just lots of photos. // ONTD_Football

 

I DIDN’T EVEN READ IT. I JUST ASSUME IT’S 15 MEMBERS OF THE FIFA EXCO COMMITTEE.
Football’s fifteen biggest villains of 2011, in slideshow format for easy clickability. // Bleacher Report

 

THINGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY NEXT, AND NOT NEXT TO BE NEXT AFTER NEXT: A CUP OF COFFEE.
It’s another day for KCKRS to go diving through the culture, color, and strangeness of the beautiful game and bring it to you in perfectly proportioned bite-sized chunks with hints of paprika and cumin. I dunno, they’re spices. Follow us, like us, communicate with us. Goodbye.

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