QWK KCKS: Please Mister Postman

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

VIDEO: VAN PERSIE PUNISHES POSTS, PROMPTS PARTY POP. AWKWARD ALLITERATION. AND THAT’S NOT REALLY POP.
This somewhat amusing video pays homage to Robin Van Persie’s uncanny ability to hit the woodwork. What’s that about a badger nursery? (YOUTUBE)

 

NOW I KNOW THAT BEN OLSEN IS A CUTIE PATOOTIE. I’D ALMOST RATHER NOT.
Although it’s for different reasons, we like a coach who dresses like a boss for matches. MLS has way too many tracksuit or turtleneck types. Good on ya, Ben. // Kickette

 

LET’S JUST PICK SOMETHING AND STICK WITH IT, SHALL WE? UNLIKE MLS.
NASL 2.0′s new championship trophy will be unveiled tonight in Minnesota. It will probably look something like the old NASL trophy, which is mostly a good thing. // IM Soccer News

 

RETURN TO YOUR HOMES, THERE’S NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
Not shockingly at all, Americans are calling Richard Bevan’s pro/rel rumor-mongering a load of crappity crap crap crap. Also, is it me, or does John Henry look like he could be a Batman villain in that photo? // CaughtOffside

 

PHOTO: ‘DREADLOCKS OF DOOM’, STARRING ALAN OF BRAGA.
The studio had a change of heart, wanted to go with a Brazilian star for this film. Deadly and exotic. (REUTERS)

 

SO THIS IS WHERE NASA’S FUNDING HAS GONE.
The annual American football invasion happens at Wembley this weekend, and Prost Amerika has given us the wonderful gift of a new appellation for the sport (which, for the record, I rather enjoy). // Prost Amerika

 

IN HIS NEXT LIFE, LUIZ PLANS TO GET ONE OF THOSE EVANGELIST GIGS HEALING PEOPLE IN A MEGA-CHURCH.
David Luiz is magic. My guess is that there’s a little green fairy that lives in his hair and grants wishes to whomever David touches. It’s name is definitely not Gazoo. // Dirty Tackle

 

MY PREDICTION: THE REAL GAME WILL BE NOTHING LIKE THIS. BOLD.
The “video game simulation of a match that hasn’t happened yet” thing has never made any sense to me. Except as a way to sell more games. Then it makes perfect sense. Time to buy FIFA 12. // Surreal Football

 

PHOTO: UFP. UNIDENTIFIED FLYING POTTER.
Not really. It’s Kenwyne Jones. You probably knew that. (REUTERS)

 

OF COURSE, IT WAS THAT CLASSIC MOVE WE ALL KNOW, THE ‘POOP FOR PAY’ PROTEST.
Five players in Hungary orchestrated an interesting move to protest their lack of payment. // Deadspin

 

IT’S TRUE, A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP IS CRUCIAL AT THAT AGE, IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE BIGGEST NIGHT OF HIS LIFE. WHAT?
Derby’s 15-year old starlet can’t make his debut for the club on the day originally planned because he has school the next day. // Off the Post

 

I’M STARTING AN ONLINE BUSINESS. IT’S CALLED ‘E-SCAPEGOAT.’ DON’T QUITE KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE YET.
Gather ’round, it’s list time. Via the slideshow format, here are the 20 biggest scapegoats in football history. // Bleacher Report

 

IF YOU KEEP THIS UP, WORLD, THERE WON’T BE ANY OFFICIALS LEFT. NO OFFICIALS, NO GAMES.
The story of 15 referees in Oldham sums up a growing problem: why would anyone want to be a referee with the abuse they take? // When Saturday Comes

 

HE’S THE ‘POSTMAN’ BECAUSE IT SOUNDS BETTER THAN ‘CROSSBAR MAN’. ALSO, THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
We’re off for a fabulous weekend of Mancunian derbies and 32 oz. mimosas. While we’re gone, be sure to follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook so if those mimosas turn us into babbling idiots, you’ll be in on the fun. Really, we’ll probably just have links and stuff. Leave a comment or ask us something. We’ll probably answer.

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