QWK KCKS: Straight Up Zero Cool

Photo of author
Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: AMAZING, ASTOUNDING, BEWILDERING, BREATHTAKING.

Lionel Andrés Messi, age 24, Barcelona’s new all-time goalscorer. (REUTERS)

 

LET’S HOPE HE DOESN’T PICK UP MJ’S PENCHANT FOR GAMBLING AND ASSHOLERY.

After Messi’s record-breaking hat trick yesterday, Pep compared the Argentine to Michael Jordan. That makes Pep Phil Jackson and Iniesta Scotty Pippen. Or maybe Xavi. // Futbolita

 

I HATE TO BE A STICKLER, BUT THIS SHOULD BE TITLED ‘ALL TIME FIRST DIVISION TABLE’. TECHNICALLY SPEAKING.

A table with the all-time first division records of English clubs. Preston North End remembers when. Or, a few of their really old fans do. // The Third Kit

 

THE MESSAGE IS THAT CHELSEA WILL NOT STAND FOR GRENADES. GUNS ARE TOTALLY COOL THOUGH.

Chelsea dismisses reserve player who set off a smoke grenade at the club’s training facility. Meanwhile, Ashley Cole is 10-for-10 shooting members of the training staff in the ass. // Dirty Tackle
 

PHOTO: EXTRAORDINARY, IMPRESSIVE, MARVELOUS, MIRACULOUS, SPECTACULAR.

Hey look, it’s that guy again. (AP PHOTO)

 

AFTER A WHILE, YOU JUST HAVE TO THROW IN THE TOWEL, I GUESS.

No American has a better recent scoring record than Herculez Gomez. But the Santos Laguna striker isn’t optimistic about his USMNT chances. Audio interview. // The Best Soccer Show

 

WHEN FRINGS GO HORRIBLY WRONG, PEOPLE MAKE TERRIBLE PUNS. OH, IT’S JUST ME.

Torsten Frings will miss some time for Toronto FC after suffering a hamstring injury. Basically, this means TFC should cancel the season. Or it doesn’t. // The Footy Blog

 

‘DON’T KICK PEOPLE IN THE HEAD’ IS AN IMPORTANT LESSON EVERY BOY SHOULD LEARN.

In Hong Kong, a U-12 player that kicked an opponent in the head has been arrested. This might have an ethnic component. Also, don’t kick people in the head. // Deadspin

 

PHOTO: STUNNING, STUPEFYING, STUPENDOUS, WONDERFUL, WONDROUS.

One more time for good measure. Twenty-four. 24! (REUTERS)

 

EUROPE’S GREATEST CLUBS AND THEIR GREATEST GOALSCORERS.

The occasion of Messi breaking the Barcelona career goal-scoring record is an excuse to review the club record-holders for some of Europe’s giants. // BBC Sport

 

THIS SHOULD MAKE ANY COUNTRY WITH A STRIKER SHORTAGE FEEL A LITTLE BETTER.

Even Spain has questions up top, with David Villa rushing to get back from injury and Fernando Torres struggling to get back to form. // Bleacher Report

 

MY FAVORITE, FOUND UNDER SYNONYMS FOR ‘AWESOME’: ‘ZERO COOL’.

I wish I was good enough at something that people needed to break out the thesaurus to try and express my greatness. Not that I’m going to cry about it or anything. Follow us and like us. We’re zero cool.

Leave a Comment