QWK KCKS: The Curse of the Soccer Witch

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: THE SOUND HE’S MAKING IS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE ‘EEEEEEEEE!’
India cricketers had a kickabout during practice. Someone is afraid of the ball. (Getty Images)

 

IS ANYONE ELSE SCARED WAZZA IS GOING TO TOSS THE PUPPY OVER HIS SHOULDER AND STORM OFF?
Alternate dialog for the FIFA 12 Christmas ad we showed you yesterday. We bow to the brilliance. // Dirty Tackle

 

MEANWHILE…IT’S COLEEN ROONEY, THE BUTTERFLY WHISPERER.
Fragrance ads are weird. Here’s Coleen Rooney sitting in a forest exploding butterflies with her mind or something. // Kickette

 

THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW BRILLIANT THIS LOOKS.
This trailer for a documentary on the American Samoa National Team we told you got their first ever win in November is stuffed full of exactly what makes us love the game. // Beat the First Man

 

VIDEO: THE SCARIEST FREE KICKS EVER.
I want to learn how to do this, but only if I can control what they say. (via Surreal Football)

 

BALLACK? BOLLOCKS.
Excellent explanation of why the rumors popping up linking Michael Ballack with MLS are based on nothing. Less than nothing, even. // The Footy Blog

 

SO THE PLAN WAS TO HOPE THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED?
A collection of absolutely genius Wrexham fans try to break into the manager’s office at Shrewbury Town. When the door turned out to be locked, they went with Plan B. Spray painting “Wrexham FC” on the wall. Burned. // Off the Post

 

THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN WHAT I FIRST IMAGINED WHEN I SAW THE WORD ‘SNOCCER.’
Snooker + soccer = snoccer. Apparently. I’m flabbergasted. // 500RTLF

 

PHOTO: AHHHHH!!!!!
Ronaldo’s head is huge. (Getty Images)

 

I WILL NOW ATTEMPT TO REFERENCE EMMANUEL FRIMPONG WITHOUT USING THE WORD ‘DENCH.’ DAMNIT.
An artist’s rendering of Emmanuel Frimpong maddogging Kun Aguero. Pay special attention to the eyes. // Surreal Football

 

HE SHOULD TOTALLY SET UP A GOOGLE ALERT FOR ‘DARREN AMBROSE.’
The internet history of Darren Ambrose, the man who’s rocket of a right foot buried Manchester United in the Carling Cup. // The Other 87

 

FLASHING IN THE PAN IS BETTER THAN NOT FLASHING AT ALL.
Today is Toto Schillaci’s 47th birthday. Let’s remember when. // Deadspin

 

PHOTO: I HOPE THIS ISN’T THE COVER OF AN UPCOMING ALBUM.
FC Twente honored their former striker Bryan Ruiz (now with Fulham) with a portrait. (Reuters)

 

POPULARITY CONTESTS ARE ABOUT POPULARITY.
Nitpicking the FIFPro World XI shortlist because that’s what people do with award shortlists. Nitpick. // Bleacher Report

 

SOMEWHERE THERE’S A WITCH WITH A TERRIBLE SENSE OF HUMOR.
Finally, the witch’s curse is broken. And now referees will be scared to book players for diving, lest they be forced into unwanted marriages. You heard me. // Studs Up

 

THERE’S ALSO A CURSE ON BALOTELLI. IT INVOLVES HIS HAIR, THE ELEMENT OF FIRE, AND A MAGICAL LOCKET WORN BY CAT IN PALERMO. THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY.
Super Friday everybody. Make sure you check us out on Twitter and Facebook, where we network socially and such. Next week might be an interesting one around here, so you’ll want to stay on your toes. Ciao.

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