QWK KCKS: The Furious Bore

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: LET’S FACE IT. NANDO’S JUST NOT BORING ENOUGH FOR THIS TEAM.

Fernando walks off the field during Spain training after working on his boringness. (Getty Images)
 
Things that are tedious.

At the risk of being tedious, I’m going to tackle something I find tedious: the endless back-and-forth of the debate over Spain’s style (or any style, for that matter; Spain’s tiki-taka borefest is just the latest focus).

My issue isn’t the debate, it’s the lack of appreciation for individual taste, the preaching, and the snobbery. As if there’s a immutable answer to be reached regarding the entertainment value of Spain’s passing game. There will be no consensus. Expressing the opinion that “Spain is boring” is not an affront to the spirit of the game, it’s merely that, an opinion. It’s not always meant to suggest that Spain should play differently, nor is it a statement that what Spain do isn’t freaking amazing. It is. It can be truly amazing, a marvel of football skill and tactics like we’ve never seen, ever, and still be boring as shit. These things are not mutually exclusive.

Of course, maybe it’s not Spain’s fault at all. Their opponents are afraid, so they hardly bother pushing forward. Better to sit back, let Spain ping the ball around midfield, and live to fight another minute than to challenge La Roja and die a horrible gory death (sliced apart, as it were, by Cesc’s stylishly spiky hairdo). As long as Spain is passing the ball sideways and backward, they can’t bombard the goal. Spain’s not choosing to be boring (a fact which I think is at the heart of much of the contention over whether they are or aren’t; as though, because they’re not setting out to be boring, calling them so is unfair), they’re forced to be boring because everyone else is a bunch of Negative Nancys. Okay, sure, but the opponent has nothing to do with Del Bosque declining to play a striker.

Guess what? Spain are boring. Why they’re boring doesn’t matter to me, because any discussion about the question inevitably turns into a tedious debate over blame, the nature of possession, and other such subjective nonsense. None of it has any bearing on whether Spain is boring. Spain is boring. They’re also the best national side on the planet. I enjoy a good passing game as much as the next guy. But c’mon.

The issue isn’t that Spain is boring, it’s that you (or someone like you, or the writer who can’t help his preachy nature) care that I think they’re boring.

LINKS!

 

ONLY IN FOOTBALL CAN YOU BE 22 AND HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR.EV.ER.

Here’s a lovely little audio interview with AZ and USMNT forward Jozy Altidore. // The Best Soccer Show

 

AWW, JUST WHEN THIS WAS STARTING TO GET GET IN A ‘WWF HEEL-TURN’ WAY.

False alarm on the Drogbra-to-Barca stuff, everybody. // The Independent

 

I’M STARTING MY OWN SPY AGENCY. WE’RE GOING TO TRADE IN LINEUPS AND STRATEGY. IT’S GONNA BE AWESOME.

Philipp Lahm is none too happy that there appears to be a mole in the German camp. So of course he’s going to sleuth out the case. // Dirty Tackle

 

PHOTO: CESC AND XABI—DRINK CRUZCAMPO—TALK ABOUT THE—BUY CHEVROLET—GAME.

Who doesn’t love a bit of product placement? (Reuters)

 

SPEAKING OF PHILIPP LAHM, HE’S THE MOST PETER PARKER-ISH PLAYER ON THE GERMAN SIDE.

Despite getting their asses handed to them by the Euros, Sony Pictures decided to hold a private screening of The Amazing Spiderman for the German national team. Jealous. // Hollywood Reporter

 

THE ONLY LANGUAGE THAT MATTERS IS FOOTBALL. AMIRIGHT? EH?

Hey look, a Fabio Capello/Wayne Rooney feud. Neither can understand the other, and we can’t understand them. It’s like Saturday on the crosstown bus. // Off the Post

 

PLEASE, STAND THERE AND LET EVERYONE ELSE TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD FIND BORING.

Or shouldn’t find boring, as is the case. The debate rages: Is Spain boring? Is the debate about Spain being boring boring? Is the boring debate about the boring team boring those who find Spain boring? What? // NYT Goal Blog & Soccer America

 

PHOTO: NOTHING LIKE A GIANT SIGNED SHIRT THAT WON’T FIT IN HIS HOUSE TO SHOW APPRECIATION.

This is Ukraine manager Oleg Blohkin’s gift from fans. Whoever signed the crest is kind of a dick. (Reuters)

 

FIGHT! WAIT, NO. NOT REALLY. SOCCER FIGHTS ARE ALWAYS SO DISAPPOINTING.

“Grown Ass Man” Eddie Johnson, who was supposed to be more mature these days, slapped/punched/something’d a San Jose Earthquakes player last night in the Open Cup quarterfinals. Fun times! // 101GG

 

OOH, I KNOW! THE ANSWER IS ‘MANAGE AT LEAST A TINY BIT OF POSSESSION.’

This is how Portugal can beat Spain. Surprisingly, it does not read “Ronaldo, Ronaldo, Ronaldo, Pepe kicks people.” // Bleacher Report

 

SEMIFINALS. LET’S DO THIS. SPAIN V. PORTUGAL. RONALDO V. EVERYONE ON SPAIN. IBERIA, WHERE YOU AT?

Somewhere in here is a joke about the colonial era and Iberian dominance. I can’t seem to find it. Sounds really boring anyway. Follow KCKRS and like KCKRS because WE’RE NOT BORING.

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