QWK KCKS: The Group of Undeath

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

Violence.

Ugh. Stop it. I don’t care about your history, or who did what to whom, or that thing that happened when Moscow was a Grand Duchy.

Links.

 

PHOTO: IN PC SPEAK, WE WOULD SAY THESE RUSSIANS ARE ‘GEOGRAPHICALLY CHALLENGED.’

Okay, so this is clear and inflammatory provocation on the part of Russia’s fans at the match with Poland in Warsaw. Not nice. Things are charged. There’s been some violence. Let’s just all try to get along for a bit, okay? (AP Photo)

 

I HAVE A FEVER, AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MORE MELONS. WAIT, THAT’S NOT RIGHT.

“Spain needs an infusion of energy,” thinks a fruit company back home in Iberia. “Let’s send them 500 of our melons, which will most certainly not end up rotting in a dumpster in Poland.” // Dirty Tackle

 

A SEXY NEW DESIGN AND AN ENJOYABLE STORY. ONE-STOP SHOPPING.

Check out the newest design from Bumpy Pitch, inspired by the diamond midfield. I would very much like to have one of these, please. // The Original Winger

 

CANCEL THE CONTEST. NO MORE ENTRIES. WE HAVE A WINNER FOR BEST TROLL OF THE YEAR.

After Sweden, and specifically Mikael Lustig, got beat near post by 112-year old Andrei Shevchenko, one of Norway’s newspapers enlisted its reader to show them how guarding the post is done. // Off the Post
 

PHOTO: COMING THIS SUMMER…KARIM BENZEMA IS ‘THE STRIKER.’

I can do better, but I’m short on time. Surely this is some sort of cooling down contraption Karim Benzema is wearing after France training, but it sure looks like a bullet-proof vest. Action hero? (Getty Images)

 

I REFUSE TO ACCEPT YOUR OBJECTIVE DETERMINATIONS BECAUSE THEY TOTALLY REFUTE MY SUBJECTIVE OPINION.

Dear people of the world, CONCACAF qualifying is way tougher than you think. Not UEFA/CONMEBOL tough, but definitely > AFC tough. There are stats. // Canadian Soccer News

 

WHY YES, I DID CHUCKLE AT THE FACT THAT THERE’S ‘NAD’ IN THERE. YES, YOU MAY QUESTION MY MATURITY.

A replica of Rio’s famous Christ the Redeemer statue in the Millionarios neighborhood gets a name and a number. It’s supposed to say “Ronaldinho.” It does not actually say “Ronaldinho.” // 101GG

 

SUPER DUPER NERD ALERT. MORE STATS? WHAT IS THIS, BASEBALL?

New technology is helping coaches and companies like Opta track players on the field. Very German, very techy. // YouTube
 

PHOTO: I’M SORRY JOLEON, IS THIS LITTLE TOURNAMENT WE’RE HAVING KEEPING YOU UP?

Joleon Lescott needs a nappy-poo. (Reuters)

 

IF THE GROUP OF DEATH DIES, AND THEN COMES BACK, IS IT A GROUP OF UNDEATH? ZOMBIE!

Michel Platini’s free-wheeling inclusive attitude is going to kill the Group of Death. // NYT Goal Blog

 

THEIR SENSE OF SUPERIORITY IS ONLY MATCHED BY THE SIX THOUSAND TROPHIES THEY’VE WON.

Is Barcelona’s arrogance getting out of hand? That depends on how big your hand is. // Bleacher Report

 

IN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THE GROUP OF UNDEATH, MAKE SURE TO SHOOT FOR THE HEAD.

I’m out of my depth, really. I made a zombie reference and I know nothing about zombies. I do know that a group of undeath would be terribly boring if it was made up of teams of slow-moving zombies. Teams of fast-moving zombies might be fun, though. Unless they start eating the brains of the fans. That would suck. Follow KCKRS and like KCKRS, because where else are you going to get this quality?

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