QWK KCKS: The Hangover

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: WOOT! OR WHATEVER THE SPANISH EQUIVALENT OF “WOOT” IS!

It’s fiesta time in Madrid. There’s champagne, Fernando’s ridiculous whipping hair, Jordi Alba’s silly hat, about a billion fans going mental in the streets, and kids climbing stop lights. The light is red, you see, so it works. (AP Photo)

 

The Hangover.


I woke up Monday morning, my brain in the midst of a desperate attempt to break free of the prison that is my skull, with no memory of the last month. What had happened? Where had I been? Why did my mouth taste vaguely of pierogis and vodka?

The sound of fervent chants ringing in my head, I stumbled to the bathroom. The aching feeling of lost time sat like a stone in my belly. I couldn’t remember a thing, and yet I had the clear sense that I’d had a good time. I stared at myself, my eyes slowly adjusting to the light. I looked terrible.

I looked like Xabi Alonso if he let himself go and took up residence under an overpass for a few years. Xabi Alonso…thinking his name was a spark that began to spin a few gears in my head. A low rumble echoed through the bathroom. Something was coming back to me. Xabi Alonso…Spain? Did Spain do something I should remember?

The cloying fog finally lifted, in once breathtaking moment, like the rapid throwing open of heavy drapes. Yes! Spain had won the Euros! I remembered now. The whole tournament flooded back, the memories almost too much to bear all at once, my brain struggling to keep up with the full breadth of it. All the way back to Poland 1-1 Greece, through to England’s dreadful penalties and beyond to Spain’s complete annihilation of an Italian team that was somehow the undergod darling of the tournament, I remembered it all.

Thank God. It would have been a pity to have lost those memories in a debaucherous explosion of post-Euro celebration. It was a fine, fine tournament, one of the best in memory really, with very little of the problems and spectator antics it was thought might crop up. The behavior was fine, the football was good (mostly), and a worthy champion was crowned in the end.

Heaving a deep breath as I contemplated tending to my unkempt beard, I was left with one indelible feeling from everything that had just come rushing back: Spain are an amazing team, probably one of the best national sides in history and they played an amazing game against Italy. But man can they be boring.

My head hurts.

LINKS!

 

WHAT THE WORLD OF FOOTBALL KITS NEEDS IS MORE STRIPES. OR NOT.

The renowned UniWatch takes on Euro 2012 by re-imagining national team kits. Stripage. // UniWatch

 

LEAVE IT TO A GUY CALLED ‘SAINT’ TO EXPRESS RESPECT FOR THE OPPONENT.

Iker Casillas asked the ref to blow the whistle early out of respect for Italy. // Dirty Tackle

 

MEANWHILE, THE BACKUP KEEPER IS DOING THIS…

San Iker is setting goalless records in the Euros, Pepe Reina is serving as the flight attendant on the plane back to Spain. Sounds about right. // World Cup Blog
 

PHOTO: BEING ROYALTY HAS ITS PRIVILEGES. I WANT TO PUT MY ARM IN THE EUROPEAN CUP TOO, DAMMIT.

I think the infantas dropped something in the European Cup just to see if they could get it out. (Reuters)
 

 HEY, I WENT SILENT WHEN I GOT THE NEWS, TOO. THAT MARIO IS GOING TO BE A DAD, I MEAN.

HEY EVERYBODY, MARIO BALOTELLI IS GOING TO BE A FATHER. // Kickette

 

THIS IS WHAT TOTAL DOMINATION LOOKS LIKE IN PASTELS.

Here’s a pretty infographic with all of the stats from Spain’s destruction of Italy. // On Goals Scored

 

YES, THIS IS TOTALLY BECAUSE OF AN APP. NOT THE BILLION DOLLAR SPENDING OR PREMIER LEAGUE TITLE.

Man City is creating new fans—like in Spanish Harlem—because they have awesome apps. // Cisco
 

PHOTO: THE SMILEY FACE IS THE BEST PART. THIS IS TOTALLY GOING TO CHEER MARIO UP.

I love this. Don’t be a sad Mario (written on an English flag)… (Getty Images)

 

OKAY, NOW ONE WITH JUST THE ANDALUSIANS WHO PLAY FOR MADRID. OKAY, NOW THE LEFT-FOOTED GALACIANS.

Javi Martinez got shoved out of a photo in the aftermath of Spain’s win, and it’s totally not because he’s Basque. It was a Real Mardrid players only photo. // Off the Post

 

SOCCER? WHAT SOCCER? I TUNED IN FOR THE MICHAEL AND ALEXI FUN TIME HOUR.

American ratings for Euro 2012 show that soccer is growingAAAAAAHHHHHHH. // Bleacher Report

 

HERE’S WHERE I HAVE A SUDDEN EPIPHANY AND PUT TOGETHER A FEW RANDOM CLUES TO HELP US FIND THE FRIEND WE LOST.

The only thing that could have possibly made that tournament better is if Zach Galifianakis was involved. Seriously. Follow KCKRS and like KCKRS.

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