QWK KCKS: The Robot Cheetahs Are Here

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: BREAKING NEWS! TROUBLE IN THE SPAIN SLASH BARCELONA CAMP AS INIESTA SLAPS VILLA FOR NO APPARENT REASON!

No, these guys are total bros. Just having a little fun. The Best Player in Europe can fakeslap whomever he wants.

 

MAN UNITED IS SIGNING UP USAIN BOLT. THIS ROBOT CHEETAH IS FASTER THAN USAIN BOLT. THEREFORE, MAN UNITED WILL DEFINITELY SIGN THIS ROBOT CHEETAH.

That’s called “logic”, people, and it’s quite unassailable. By the way, anyone want to go in together on a robot-proof bunker? // Deadspin

 

THE ONLY BETTER RAGS TO RICHES STORY I CAN THINK OF IS BEBE. AND THAT’S NOT REALLY WORKING OUT.

The story of how Kansas City went from MLS wasteland to soccer hotbed in the span of three years. // The Sporting News

 

YOU KNOW WHAT’S A GREAT IDEA? INFLAMING PATRIOTIC PASSION WITH THAT WHOLE CONTESTED ISLAND THING HANGING OUT THERE. GREAT IDEA.

Keisuke Honda totally respects Park Jong-woo’s patriotic gesture at the Olympics and doesn’t think Japanese people are patriotic enough. I ask again: anyone want to go in on a bunker? // The Star

 

PHOTO: IS THERE AN AUSTRALIAN GRANT WAHL, AND WILL HE BE WRITING A BOOK? I HOPE THERE’S AN AUSTRALIAN ALAN GORDON.

Alessandro Del Piero is officially a member of Sydney FC. He’s their Beckham, don’t you know.

 

ARE WE SURE IT’S NOT…STEP 1: GET FANS STEP 2: ???? STEP 3: PROFIT!!!

The brilliant MANU self-propagating profit cycle as illustrated by arrows and stuff. // 101GG

 

‘FAT NICKLAS BENDTNER’ IS ALMOST A TOO MUCH TO HANDLE FROM A JOKE-POSSIBILITY PERSPECTIVE. I NEED TO LIE DOWN.

After inspiring a chorus of “mehs” and “LOLs” after signing with Juve, it turns out Nicklas Bendtner is too fat. But vertical stripes are slimming, so it’s all good. // Off the Post

 

TRUE FAX: IN FIFA 13, OWEN HARGREAVES IS A PLAYABLE RED CROSS SYMBOL.

Desperate to jump start his career, real Owen Hargreaves probably thinks this is a great idea. // Dirty Tackle

 

VIDEO: WAIT, YOU MEAN YOUTUBE VIDEOS DON’T HAVE TO HAVE TERRIBLE ELECTRONIC MUSIC SOUNDTRACKS? I DON’T BELIEVE YOU.

Watching Balotelli, Kolarov, Sinclair and Milner practice free kicks in training is strangely hypnotic.

 

THE MESSAGE I’M GETTING HERE IS ‘THINK BEFORE YOU BOO.’ IT’S A LESSON.

The eternal question, asked and answered by Ian King. Also, “the sound of burning pitchforks” is bloody brilliant. // 200%

 

REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO USE THE TOP OF THIS POST TO OPINE ABOUT THINGS? ME TOO. WHY DID I DO THAT?

If I had the time, I might again. But I don’t, so I can’t. Or I won’t. Either one, really. If I had the time today, I’d be opining about the impending doom we all face when the robot cheetahs become sentient. Not wanting to horrify you, it’s better I don’t get into that right now. But seriously, that bunker thing…hit me up. Follow KCKRS on Twitter here and like KCKRS on Facebook here. Thank you, and stay vigilant.

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