QWK KCKS: Three Sizes Too Small

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: A MAN IN A MASK.
This guy wearing a Neymar mask scored as many goals as the real Neymar did against Barcelona on Sunday in the Club World Cup final. (REUTERS)

 

I LIKE IMAGINING JEAN VALCKE WEARING THE FAKE HORNS AND PULLING THE SLEIGH.
How Sepp stole Christmas. And didn’t care that he did. // The Other 87

 

THAT HAT LOOKS LIKE IT’S RIFE WITH SALMONELLA.
Turkey hat. What else needs to be said? // Beat the First Man

 

TRUE FACT: THE ROBBEN IS A BETTER BALL THAN THE JABULANI.
Rollin’ Arjen Robben shows up in a lot of places through the magic of Photoshop. // Invent Football

 

PHOTO: MESSI AND THE GIANT KEY, A CHILDREN’S STORY.
Lionel received this massive key for his MVP performance in Japan. Where’s the massive car? (AP PHOTO)

 

IT’S THE BLUE SIDE OF LIVERPOOL IN MORE WAY THAN ONE.
Everton’s business model is a disaster of a catastrophe of a failure and represents some of the worst of the financial spinning that goes on. // Two Hundred Percent

 

IF YOU’RE HOME SICK FROM SCHOOL, YOU DON’T GET TO GO OUT AND PLAY. SAME THING, RIGHT?
Darren Bent went out for a bit of shopping during Villa’s match on Sunday, was naturally ripped by angry Villa fans. Because that’s not insane. // Dirty Tackle

 

AT LEAST IT DIDN’T END UP IN HIS MOUTH. THAT’S A VICTORY.
Royston Drenthe’s kid is fascinated by the microphone Royston is supposed to be talking into during his post-match interview. // Off the Post

 

PHOTO: IS HE PRACTICING FOR THE NUTCRACKER?
Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey has some balletic moves. (REUTERS)

 

CONSIDER MY ILLUSIONS SHATTERED.
Pele was shite. Not really. Okay, a little bit. // 500TLF

 

SCORING GOALS WON’T BE ENOUGH? YOU KNOW THIS IS NICOLAS ANELKA, RIGHT?
Anelka’s adventure in China is already driving ticket sales, but comes with quite a few expectations. Can he actually return Shanghai’s club to glory (such as it is)? // When Saturday Comes

 

QUICK, EVERYONE HOLD HANDS AND SING ‘DA WHO DORES’ AND MAYBE SEPP WILL TURN INTO A NICE GUY. AW, WHO AM I KIDDING.
Christmas specials involving Jack Warner, Chuck Blazer, Ricardo Teixeira, et al are not in the works, thankfully. Follow, like, later.

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