QWK KCKS: Twisted News

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.

 

PHOTO: MOSTLY, THIS GROUP WAS JUST AMUSED BY THE WHOLE THING.

Henry, Donovan, De Rosario, and All-Star head coach Ben Olsen answered questions for the gathered press yesterday. It was like a game of dodgeball. Henry won. (AP Photo)

 

SOLUTION: TWEET ANONYMOUSLY. OH, THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE?

The FA will issue social media guidelines for players because when I think “knowledgeable about social media”, I immediately think “The Football Association!” // Dirty Tackle

 

SHOCKING TALES OF BLAME-SHIFTING ARE NOT SHOCKING.

Joey Barton has a website. Joey Barton explains his past transgressions on said website. Mostly he blames others. // Off the Post

 

I AM NOW CONVINCED I DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH. NOT ENGLISH ENGLISH ANYWAY.

Thierry Henry was asked about going back to Arsenal at yesterday’s MLS All-Star presser. His answer amounted to “Maybe one day.” This is the how the English tabloid twisted it. NOT THE THING HE SAID. // The Sun

 

PHOTO: PIGGY BACK SOCCER IS THE NEW SENSATION SWEEPING THE NATION.

No, not really. This is the France women’s national team have a little fun in training. (Getty Images)

 

WHAT IN THE NAME OF WILFORD BRIMLEY IS ‘BAKED OATMEAL’?

D.C. United head coach Ben Olsen comes from a small Pennsylvania town where soccer wasn’t much of anything. Now it is, mostly because of his success. // Soccer Insider

 

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN AUSTRALIA AND TIM CAHILL: KAPUT

By moving to New York, Tim Cahill will remove himself from view of fans in his native land. This is an exceptionally well-written lament of that fact. // A Football Report

 

WHAT’S BETTER: GOLD MEDAL, OR WORLD CUP? I’M GOING WITH MEDAL. MORE CONVENIENT FOR THE ON-THE-GO SOCCER STAR.

The USWNT kicks off their Olympic campaign today, anxious to erase the pain of their 2011 World Cup loss. // The New York Times

 

PHOTO: BRIAN IS NOT SATISFIED WITH THEIR ENERGY. HE’LL BE HAVING A WORD.

Olympic mascot Brian the Lion watches the Great Britain women train. Actually, no he doesn’t because he’s stuffed. (AP Photo)

 

IF HE GETS A DOGBERT LOOKALIKE TO STAND BY HIM ON THE TOUCHLINE, I’LL TOTALLY LOSE IT.

SAF goes with the short-sleeved shirt and tie look during United’s game against Shangai Shenua. Not a good look. // 30FPS

 

OH, GOOD. IT’S NOT THAT I’M AN IDIOT, IT’S JUST THAT THE WHOLE SAGA KILLS BRAINS CELLS.

Here’s an idiot’s guide to the Robin Van Persie transfer saga, because you know you’re totally confused. // Bleacher Report

 

LATE LINKS ARE STILL LINKS, EVEN IF THEY TASTE A LITTLE FUNNY AND DON’T HAVE THE SNAP OF FRESHNESS.

Today is the day when Olympic soccer jumps off and the MLS All-Stars battle Chelsea for the championship of completely meaningless exhibitions. KCKRS will be here to “cover” both, in the manner and quality you expect. Mostly that means we’ll look for inanity. Sweet. Follow KCKRS and like KCKRS.

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