Santos President Says Neymar Should Stay to Avoid Europe’s ‘Violent Players and Snow’

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

Every couple of months, almost like clockwork, Santos president Luis Alvaro Ribeiro makes another statement about Neymar’s possible European departure, in an obvious attempt to keep it from happening (or drive up the price). Like when he said Neymar shouldn’t go to Madrid because Jose Mourinho will make him cut his hair. Or like today, when Alvaro Ribeiro said Neymar should stay in Brazil and avoid Europe’s “violent players and snow.”

Plus, Neymar already has a yacht. What more could Europe offer him?

“He makes a lot of money here, he has even purchased a yacht already. What else will he want? Two cars? A plane? Planes cost a lot and they are high maintenance. It is better to stay in Brazil than to go to Europe to deal with violent players and snow.”

Stay in Brazil, Neymar. Stay where the weather is beautiful and the players are perfectly behaved. Did you know there hasn’t been a single red card issued in Brazil’s Serie A this season? Not one. Because there are no violent players. Not like in Europe, where players carry secret shivs in their socks and hunt down slight Brazilians in packs. Ask Robinho. He’ll tell you.

Stay in Brazil, Neymar. You do not need to make more money. You do not need two cars. One car is plenty. Who are you, Ronaldo? And you certainly don’t want a plane. Have you seen the price of jet fuel? Outrageous. Planes are a luxury that only violent snow-covered European players are crass enough to buy. You’re Neymar, the future of Santos. If you need to fly somewhere, don’t worry, Luis Alavaro Ribeiro will get you a ticket. It might take a few days, and you’ll probably have to sit in steerage, at least you’ll be far away from Europe.

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