Wayne Rooney’s Goal Was the Best Goal EVER!!!!111

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Written By Chris Azzopardi

If you told someone that the best goal in the history of the Premier League—as voted by the fans, all of them, across the world—was a Wayne Rooney overhead effort in the Manchester derby, and they’d never actually seen footage of Wayne Rooney’s overhead effort in the Manchester derby, they might be inclined to nod and mutter “Oh, well that’s alright then.” Of course, having seen the goal yourself, you’d know just how not “alright” it is.

On a scale of 1 to soul-obliterating, how disappointed would they be when they saw the video? Not only in the goal, but in the people that voted for the goal, the state of modern fandom those people embody, the numbing reminder that football culture has completely forsaken history, and the fact that the even the short Premier League era is beyond so many of the world’s newer football fans—with whom they will be forced to share the planet for the remainder of their lives.

2002? Were people alive then?

I’m going with “soul-crushing”, that is if said person is older than 16 and/or has any sense of history whatsoever; Rooney’s goal is a fine goal, required a modicum of athletic ability (more than I possess, but you know what I mean) and certainly looked spectacular. But the best goal of the last two decades? It hardly measures up to the best goal of this week. He shinned it for crap sake.

Of course it’s silly to be sent off the rails by a popular vote. The public, in the broadest sense of that word, isn’t inclined to anything but the path of least resistance. Rooney’s goal happened most recently and it was scored by a Manchester United player. It was always likely to win, really. That fact says so much that is utterly disheartening.

Excuse me, though, if I spy sinister shadows lurking behind the facile crowning of that player, who plays for that team, for scoring that goal. It was a fine, fine goal. It wasn’t the best of the Premier League era. 78,000 people are dead wrong.

Both the second place goal, this one:

And the third place goal, this one:

…are better.

Oh, and then there’s this:

…which is nowhere to be found.

And this:

…which is simply amazing.

I could go on, but you get the point, I’m sure.

Yes, the Premier League started yesterday. But the Premier League didn’t start yesterday.

Source: The Guardian

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